While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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