guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I AM VODKA MAN
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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