your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
