Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize