Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
