I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
