wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
