accomplished twins. life is a go
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
