May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
