She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
