I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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