I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The ass gains better be worth it
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