what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
