using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
