ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
