There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
