She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My life is pants optional.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize