It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
