Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
