Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
