Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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