he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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