God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
