She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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