I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
