she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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