well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
