I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
