When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
