I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
