There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
