There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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