Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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