You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
