a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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