Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i don't like sucking hair
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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