Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
cat food counts as protein by the way
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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