I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
