My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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