She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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