Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
