so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
