Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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