yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
