Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize