shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We need to rekindle our bromance
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize