I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
