So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
