yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i love accidental penises.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
