hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
