im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
