Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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