Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
