they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
