We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
