My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
