On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
