You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize