I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
