My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
