And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
