We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
