And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize