There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
