Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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