woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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