he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
