ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They have beer where we have blood.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
