i permit you to call me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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