The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
