Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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