Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
