It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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