ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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