Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
