Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
