i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
