and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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